Eating Like a King or Queen; Traditional United Arab Emirates Style

I recently went to the United Arab Emirates (UAE) and visited the specific Emirates of Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Sharjah. It was my first time in the Middle East and a very interesting experience. Not to mention I dined extremely well in the many restaurants available to us foreigners.

However, what I really enjoyed was visiting some of the historical places in and around the UAE. I learned a bit about how the Arabs used to live, what their homes were like, and how they used to eat.

I took some photos at the Al Ain Palace Museum, the formal home of the late Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan. Men and women had separate areas in the palace to live, hang out, and eat. Traditionally, people would sit on the floors of rooms on pillows. However, as you can see below, the Sheikh had seats. I'm sitting on his "throne" in this photo.



In the middle of the room, there would be mats with large woven cones sitting on top. Food would be served on these mats in large dishes. Eating was communal, and it was (and still is) very important to eat with your right hand. The cones protected the food underneath from insects.





The coffee pot is one of the national symbols of the UAE. If you are a guest entering a home, you will always be offered coffee. If you take a look at the coinage of the UAE, the dirham, you'll notice a coffee pot on it.





Lastly, I just wanted to show you a date palm. I had never really thought about it, and didn't realize that dates grew on huge palms. They ripen and dry naturally on the trees, and are ready to eat as soon as they have been picked. Yum!

GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN

“Man love fire. Man love meat. Man love Cook to Bang.”

The summer is upon us. The snow and ice has melted. So has the clothing of your tempting targets. Quit your bellyaching about cold streaks and grill up some hot steaks. No more hibernating! Put away the parkas and pull out your favorite fur loincloth. Dust off the BBQ and start grilling. Calling all caveman!

Tap into your primitive side. You don’t need to bother with three-course meals. The smell of fire charring meat should suffice. Grrrrrr! Make like you’re strangling a Velociraptor and make some dino-kebabs. Effort should be minimal so long as you pull it off with panache. Cooking to Bang in the summertime has never been more basic.

So visit the butcher, your fish monger, your hippie veggie/weed dealer. Grab the goods and get with the grillin’. A little charcoal, some lighter fluid and you got fire. Try some of this fuego-fueled fare on for size, you caveman you!

SMELLS LIKE TUNA BURGERS

Smelly fish in my belly.

I recognize that smell anywhere. Every time she walks by me my nose piques up. Yep, there she goes again. Tuna fish patrol on the prowl. Most guys are repulsed by pungent poonany. But they don’t have the culinary kink you develop being surrounded by food. People’s filthy minds wander to sex when they eat food with certain aromas. My mind wanders to food when I’m banging someone emanating various aromas. The fact the girl in question smells a bit fishy only made me hungrier for meat from the sea. While my friends dissed the funky-scented hottie, I invited her over for tuna burgers. My whole house smelled like tuna anyway so I couldn’t smell the difference when we went from Cook To Bang.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: MELLOW JELL

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 can of TUNA
2. ½ tbsp olive oil
3. Mayonnaise to taste
4. 2 hamburger buns
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 1 small handful of cilantro chopped coarsely
7. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
8. ½ lime
9. 1 egg
10. ½ a Serrano CHIL diced finely

Step 1
Drain the tuna and mix it thoroughly with the green onions, cilantro, chilies and egg.
Step 2
Form two burgers, pressing them together tightly. Pan-fry the burgers in olive oil on medium heat, flipping once so both sides brown (approx 3 min per side).

Step 3
Assemble the burgers by toasting the buns, slathering them with mayonnaise and avocado. Slide the tuna patties in, slap them together and slice in half.

Serve them up solo, with salad or some