CHIPPENDALE TUNA PASTA

Serve this dish up like the sexy Chippendale you are!

Nothing screams out sex appeal for the ladies like a buff dude in a bowtie with a fake collar and cuffs. That’s the Chippendale way. Keeping it classy but lust inspiring at the same time. Make the married ladies scream. Give them something to fantasize about while their husbands bang them with brief, disinterested strokes. Win win. That’s what this stupidly simple dish is about. Tap into the unbridled lust that only bowtie-wearing dancers can inspire. I hope you have your dance revue choreographed. Remember…step forward, step back, spin around, clap and THRUST! Just don’t spill the kick ass contents on the plate while making those moves.

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Red wine

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 6 ounces of dried bowtie pasta
2. 1 8-ounce can of tomato sauce
3. 1 can of tuna
4. ½ cup of milk
5. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
6. ½ an onion diced finely
7. 2 garlic cloves diced finely

Step 1
Boil the pasta al dente (follow instructions, approx 12 min) and drain. While the pasta boils move onto Step 2. When pasta is done, toss it into the sauce and mix.

Step 2
Heat up the olive oil on medium heat. Sauté the garlic and onions (approx 3 min), adding salt if you so desire. Drain the tuna cans and toss in the pan and cook (approx 2 min) into it. Pour in the tomato sauce cook until it all goes red (approx 2 min). Finally pour in the milk and reduce by simmering on low heat as the sauce pinkens.

SMELLS LIKE TUNA BURGERS

Smelly fish in my belly.

I recognize that smell anywhere. Every time she walks by me my nose piques up. Yep, there she goes again. Tuna fish patrol on the prowl. Most guys are repulsed by pungent poonany. But they don’t have the culinary kink you develop being surrounded by food. People’s filthy minds wander to sex when they eat food with certain aromas. My mind wanders to food when I’m banging someone emanating various aromas. The fact the girl in question smells a bit fishy only made me hungrier for meat from the sea. While my friends dissed the funky-scented hottie, I invited her over for tuna burgers. My whole house smelled like tuna anyway so I couldn’t smell the difference when we went from Cook To Bang.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: MELLOW JELL

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 can of TUNA
2. ½ tbsp olive oil
3. Mayonnaise to taste
4. 2 hamburger buns
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 1 small handful of cilantro chopped coarsely
7. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
8. ½ lime
9. 1 egg
10. ½ a Serrano CHIL diced finely

Step 1
Drain the tuna and mix it thoroughly with the green onions, cilantro, chilies and egg.
Step 2
Form two burgers, pressing them together tightly. Pan-fry the burgers in olive oil on medium heat, flipping once so both sides brown (approx 3 min per side).

Step 3
Assemble the burgers by toasting the buns, slathering them with mayonnaise and avocado. Slide the tuna patties in, slap them together and slice in half.

Serve them up solo, with salad or some

Seared Tuna with Avocado Grapefruit Salad

It’s Valentine’s Day, and instead of braving the crowds at some fancy expensive restaurant, we decided to cook our own gourmet meal. We splurged on some sushi-grade ahi tuna, and the results were gourmet indeed. Not to mention the entire meal cost us maybe $15 tops. I dare you to find a meal like this for a price like that!

Avocado Grapefruit Salad with Citrus Mint Dressing

(Recipe from: Sunset, with a few modifications)

INGREDIENTS
2 red or pink grapefruit (3/4 lb. each)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon chopped fresh mint leaves
1 teaspoon honey
1 teaspoon shallot, finely minced
2 firm-ripe avocados (10 to 12 oz. each)
2 blood oranges (optional)
1 package baby greens, rinsed
Salt and pepper

DIRECTIONS
Cut peel and white membrane from grapefruit. Working over a strainer set over a bowl, cut between inner membranes and fruit to release segments into strainer. Squeeze juice from membranes into bowl (discard membranes); you need about 1/4 cup juice (reserve any remainder for other uses). Do the same with the blood oranges (if you’ve got them).
Add lemon juice, mint, shallot, and honey to grapefruit juice, and mix.
Peel and pit avocados; cut lengthwise into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Arrange a handful of greens on each of 4 salad or dinner plates and arrange equal portions of grapefruit segments and avocado slices on top.
Spoon dressing evenly over salads. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Cumin Crusted Tuna

INGREDIENTS
Sushi grade tuna
Cumin
Salt
Pepper
Olive Oil

DIRECTIONS
Rub tuna with salt, pepper, and cumin. You can be pretty generous with the cumin.

Heat olive oil in hot pan and sear tuna for about 2 minutes per side (more or less depending on how ‘raw’ you want it).

Slice and enjoy!

Tuscan Tuna and Bean Sandwiches

I struggle with lunch. If there aren’t leftovers from the night before, I’m more likely to skip lunch altogether than actually spend the time to make something. But this tuna sandwich is worth the extra effort. It’s got a nice flavor, with a bit of a kick from the olives, quite good.

Tuscan Tuna and Bean Sandwiches

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from epicurious.

INGREDIENTS
For beans
1 (14- to 15-oz) can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley or basil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

For tuna salad
2 (6-oz) cans Italian tuna in oil, drained
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil or flat-leaf parsley
1/4 cup pitted Kalamata or other brine-cured black olives, finely chopped
1 celery rib, finely chopped
2 tablespoons finely chopped red onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper

For sandwiches
8 (1/3-inch-thick) slices rustic Italian bread (from a round crusty loaf) or 4 (4-inch-long) oval panini rolls
1 cup loosely packed trimmed watercress sprigs

DIRECTIONS
Prepare beans:
Coarsely mash beans with a fork in a bowl, then stir in garlic, lemon juice, oil, parsley, salt, and pepper.

Make tuna:
Flake tuna in a bowl with a fork, then stir in basil, olives, celery, onion, oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper until combined.

Assemble sandwiches:
Spoon one fourth of bean mixture on 1 slice of bread, then top with one fourth of tuna salad, some watercress, and a slice of bread. Make 3 more sandwiches in same manner.

Tuna Nicoise Salad

A quick, refreshing dinner that is surprisingly filling (even Taylor, with his neverending stomach, couldn’t finish his portion). This would be good with salmon as well, but we like tuna for its cheapness factor. :)

Tuna Nicoise Salad

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from Everyday Food (with adjustments).

INGREDIENTS
salt and freshly ground black pepper
4-5 red new potatoes
8 ounces green beans, trimmed
1 can solid tuna in water
1-2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 heads Boston lettuce
4 plum tomatoes
3 large eggs, hard-cooked
1 medium red onion
1 jar/tin anvhocy fillets, drained (completely optional)
1/4 cup kalamata olives

Dressing:
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup olive oil
salt and fresh ground pepper

DIRECTIONS
In medium bowl, whisk the lemon juice, mustard, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and a pinch of pepper until combined. Whisking constantly, add the olive oil in a steady stream; whisk until thickened and creamy.

In a 5-quart pot, bring 1/2 inch water to a boil; add salt and the potatoes. Cover and cook, turning occasionally, until tender, about 14-16 minutes.

With a slotted spoon, transfer the potatoes to a bowl. Season with salt, pepper, and other spices if desired (paprika is always good!). Set aside to cool.

Add the green beans to the pot of boiling water. Cover and cook, turning occasionally, 4-6 minutes. Remove with slotted spoon and rinse with cool water. Set aside.

Break up tuna into a small bowl. Add olive oil, lemon juice (to taste), and season with salt and pepper.

Tear lettuce into pieces, quarter the potatoes and tomatoes, peel and quarter the eggs, and thinly slice the onion. Arrange on a large platter along with green beans, tuna, olives, and anchovies. Serve with the dressing.

Tuna & Artichoke Panini on Homemade Fennel Focaccia

Our panini maker has had a nice hiatus, but last night we brought it back into play.

This recipe is what you call “winging-it”, a jumble of what was left in the cupboard at the time, and for once, I actually wrote it down as I went along. Maybe I knew it was destined to be delicious.

Part of it anyways.

The homemade fennel focaccia… not so great. It worked fine for the panini, grilled and paired with other strong flavors, but take a bite of it raw and it tasted faintly of play-dough. I’m still a bread-beginner, and will surely keep testing the waters with other focaccia recipes. I’ll get a good one sooner or later!

Tuna & Artichoke Panini

Makes 3-4 Sandwiches

INGREDIENTS
Focaccia bread, sliced in half
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 small jar artichoke hearts, chopped, liquid reserved
1 tablespoon capers
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
salt and pepper, to taste
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1 can tuna
1/4 cup red onion, diced
1/4 cup sundried tomatoes, chopped
olive oil

DIRECTIONS
Combine mayo, lemon zest, capers, parmesan, and 2 tablespoons of reserved artichoke liquid in food processor. Pulse 4-5 times or until well combined.

In a small bowl, combine artichoke hearts, tuna, red onion, and sundried tomatoes. Add mayonnaise mixture and stir well to combine.

Preheat panini maker or large skillet. Divide tuna mixture equally among bread, not spreading it too close to the edge (pressing the sandwich will spread out the filling, you don’t want it to ooze!). Liberally brush top and bottom with olive oil. Press or cook until filling is heated through and both sides are golden brown.

Tuscan Tuna and Bean Sandwiches.

Look familiar? Well, it didn’t to me. This has never happened before. We made a recipe we thought was new, and as I was getting ready to post it, I realized we had posted it before. Before meaning way back in ‘07 when I thought the closer I could get to the food the better (you rarely see the entire plate in those photos). But yea. We actually made something twice without realizing it. I could have moved on and posted one of the other recipes I have queued in my photo library, but for some reason I felt I had to post this picture. If a sandwich could ever be described as pretty, this just might be the one. Or maybe it’s not the sandwich itself but the beautiful blurry background colors – rich brown and turquoise blue. That could be it too. I can never have enough of brown and turquoise.

Revisiting things is nice too. You know, since I know not all of you have been reading this blog since ‘07, nor do you have the time to travel back that deep in the archives (or maybe you do? if so, well done!) With that in mind, I may have to dredge up a few old favorites in need of a better photo (sorry, but some of my initial shots just don’t do the poor recipe justice!) and repost them for all to enjoy, again.

And no, I didn’t plan on two sandwich posts back to back either. Give me a break, or I just might have to make another sandwich and go for three in a row. So there. I like sandwiches. You should too.

Tuscan Tuna and Bean Sandwiches

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from epicurious.

INGREDIENTS
For beans
1 (14- to 15-oz) can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley or basil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

For tuna salad
2 (6-oz) cans Italian tuna in oil, drained
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil or flat-leaf parsley
1/4 cup pitted Kalamata or other brine-cured black olives, finely chopped
1 celery rib, finely chopped
2 tablespoons finely chopped red onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper

For sandwiches
8 (1/3-inch-thick) slices rustic Italian bread (from a round crusty loaf) or 4 (4-inch-long) oval panini rolls
1 cup loosely packed trimmed watercress sprigs

DIRECTIONS
Coarsely mash beans with a fork in a bowl, then stir in garlic, lemon juice, oil, parsley, salt, and pepper.

Flake tuna in a bowl with a fork, then stir in basil, olives, celery, onion, oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper until combined.

Spoon one fourth of bean mixture on 1 slice of bread, then top with one fourth of tuna salad, some watercress, and a slice of bread. Make 3 more sandwiches in same manner.