Christmas Time Reminds Me Of: Slightly Caramelized Brussels Sprouts

I don't know why brussels sprouts are so dreaded. As long as they are cooked properly, I think they are delightful. I feel that many veggies get a bad wrap, and it's often due to the fact that people don't cook them well - I mean, who likes brussels sprouts that are very strong tasting, or totally droopy because someone has boiled them to death? I can understand that they are a somewhat acquired taste that that comes with age, but I don't think they should have such a terrible reputation.



Brussels sprouts take 90-180 days to grow. They grow on a long stalk, 2-4 feet in length, in a spiral pattern. Besides being related to cabbage, they are also a close relative of broccoli!

Anyway, here is one way I like to cook brussels sprouts. It's quick, and requires little skill.

Slightly Caramelized Brussels Sprouts
Makes 4 side dish servings

Ingredients
3/4 of a pound of brussels sprouts
1 tbsp of canola or vegetable oil
1/2-1 cup of water
salt and pepper to taste

Peel outer leaves off of brussels sprouts, trim ends (not too much or the whole sprout will fall apart!) and cut in half. Heat a shallow bottomed pan. Add oil and brussels sprouts. Place enough water in the pan so that the brussel sprouts are half covered. Season with a little salt and pepper.



Place lid over the pan. Simmer for 5 minutes.



Remove lid, and let water completely evaporate. Taste a brussels sprout. If it's reasonably tender, caramelize the brussels sprouts (let them brown, stirring occasionally) gently, making sure not to blacken them. If not, add a bit more water, and simmer. Taste again. Once they are tender, caramelize them. Adjust seasoning as necessary.

DON’T MAKE ME BAGEL PIZZA

Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.

You should know better than to beg. There is clear a disconnect with your mastery of the CTB philosophy. When you serve that special someone amazing food than you won’t have to beg. It is your date who will beg you for more whether that is a second helping of bagel pizzas or another screaming orgasm. Groveling doesn’t suit you. That’s for the people who can’t close the deal in good faith. Be grateful there are chumps out there on their knees looking pathetic and sexually frustrated. They suffer so you don’t have to. Just do the voodoo that you do in the kitchen and the bedroom. This recipe is so fast and impressive that you can’t help but reap the rewards. Reap away, reaper.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or beer

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 small handfuls of fresh basil leaves
2. 2 large handfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese
3. 1 bagel
4. 1 tomato sliced thinly
5. 2 large handfuls of spinach
6. 1 mushroom sliced thinly
7. ½ an avocado sliced thinly
8. Butter to spread on bagel

Step 1
Slice the bagel in half. On each side, spread a thin layer of butter, place tomatoes, spinach, avocado, layer of mozzarella, basil leaves, and mushrooms. Pat in all down with your hands so everything bakes in place.

Step 2
Throw the bagel pizzas in the toaster of oven and toast on medium-dark setting. Remove pizza when the cheese browns. Serve up on a plate with your whole night ahead of you.