VIAGRA-MELON SOUP

Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!

Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid? You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe. Studies have proven that the citrulline intriggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping. This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released. Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl. Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session? Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul. Boom-chicka-wah-wah!

Total time: approximately 3½ hours
Projected cost: $13
Drinking Buddy: It’s liquid, but you could throw some vodka into it for extra-sexy time adventures

Ingredients (enough for plenty of leftovers):
1. 2 cups of white wine
2. 1 liter of club soda
3. ½ cup of sugar
4. 1 large seedless WATERMELON

7. 2 handfuls of chopped mint leaves
8. 1 tablespoon of butter (use margarine to make vegan)

Step 1
Melt the butter in a large stockpot on medium heat. Saute the ginger, sugar, ½ the lime juice and mint leaves.

Step 2
Split the watermelon in half and cut and/or scoop out the melon meat into the stockpot. Puree the watermelon, and then add the white wine and sugar. Bring it all to a boil and then lower the heat and simmer until you cook the alcohol out (approx 10 min). Let it chill in the fridge (approx 3 hrs).
Step 3
Ladle in the soup into a deep bowl or the watermelon halves (extra classy touch). Add the club soda and the remaining mint leaves and limejuice. Serve it chilled in bowls, crowning it with crumbled goat cheese if you feel bold.

VIAGRA-MELON PORNSICLES

Once you popsicle you can't stop, sicko!

It was only a matter of time before COOK TO BANG invaded the popsicle world. Summer is here and we need a cool and refreshing way to rev up our libidos. Look no further than the CTB Pornsicle series. We’re talking frozen pops loaded and attitude. This is the perfect post-coital treat to get your loins a much-needed recharge for Round 2 banging your divine date demands. Feel free to include these frozen phallic pops are perfect to include in your culinarylingus activities. With fewer calories and natural ingredients, why would you lick anything else?

Total time: approximately 30 minutes + freezing time
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: Vodka to dip it in

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 small WATERMAL
2. 1 handful of BASIL
3. 2 tbsp of brown sugar

Step 1
Split the watermelon in half and scoop out all the meat and juice. Puree it all in a blender.

Step 2
Pour the pureed watermelon in bowl and toss in chopped basil. Bring to a boil and then simmer until the volume reduces (approx 15 min). Allow it to cool (approx 15 min)

Step 3
Use a ladle to fill the popsicle trays, throw the caps on, wipe around the top and throw them in the freezer overnight until they are solid.