SALMON AND ON

Salmon? C'mon and on and on!

You want me to stop this COOK TO BANG madness? Never! Why would I when it makes the world a better-fed and less sexually frustrated place? The mayor of Bangor, Maine just gave me the key to the city. I handed him a secret recipe to bring some sexual healing back into his marriage. Apparently banging has returned to Bangor. I don’t like to think of myself as a hero, more of a civil servant. CTB is a community service that is no way court ordered from a conviction for public indecency when I broke into Martha Stewart’s kitchen while she was in the slammer and broadcast my own cooking and banging demonstrations. All three of those girls were legal, consensual and it was their idea! Anyway…it’s good to be commended instead of condemned. And with that, I give you this epically delicious salmon recipe that will keep you banging on and on and…you get the picture.

Recipe courtesy of publishing scion steve tobia

Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $21
Drinking Buddy: White wine

Ingredients (for two, w/ leftovers for lunch):
1. 1 tbsp of vegetable oil
2. ½ cup of white wine
3. 1 heavy dashes of chil powder
4. 2 dashes of black pepper
5. 1 dash of garlic powder
6. 1 dash of Cajun seasoning
7. 1 small jar of capers
8. 2 dashes of Old Bay seasoning
9. 1 container full of chopped mushrooms
10. 1 container of cherry tomatoes
11. 1 red onion chopped finely
12. 1 pound slab of Salmon

Step 1
Preheat the oven to broil. Season up the salmon slab on an baking sheet with garlic powder, black pepper, Cajun seasoning and chili powder. Throw the fish in the oven.

Step 2
Create the sauce by sautéing the onions and mushrooms on high heat with 1 tbsp of oil with some black pepper (approx 4 min). Add in the tomatoes and sauté them with the white wine until they get soft (approx 4 min). Use the back of a spoon to pop each cherry…tomato. Turn the heat down low and simmer the tomatoes with the capers until the fish is ready.

Step 3
Keep the fish in the oven until the pan is searing hot and the seasoning has blackened on top (approx 20 min). Remove the pan from oven and smother it with the sauce, which will sizzle like crazy. Turn off the heat and throw the fish back into the oven, doors closed and let the sauce settle in (approx 15 min).

Serve up on a plate with some Groin

SALMON GRILLS AND PASTA THRILLS

This fish dish offers thrills, grills, and hopefully no spills.

Some naysayers will claim that salmon is a boring fish to eat. So predictable, so typical, so uninspired. You have my permission to give them an atomic wedgie for believing they think outside of the box. These people haven’t left the box since slap bracelets were in. Salmon is only as boring as the chef cooking with it. Think of it salmon as a blank canvas for a painter or a mold of clay for a sculptor. You could just paint a still life or sculpt a symmetrical vase. But you could also create something groundbreaking that will shake the art world to its self-righteous core. Now translate that “fuck the norm” attitude to your culinary creations. Throw some flare into that fish and your night’s post-curricular activities will be rated for Mature audiences only due to nudity, sexual content and adult language. Violence will be notably absent.

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $14
Drinking Buddy: White wine

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tsp of sea salt
2. 8-ounces of dry penne pasta
3. 3 tbsp of olive oil
4. 1 lb salmon filet
5. 1 handful of sliced mushrooms
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 handful of fresh rosemary
8. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
9. 1 lemon halved

Step 1
If you are grilling with charcoal, get the coals going. Marinate the salmon in 2 tbsp of olive oil, pluck the rosemary from the sprig and squeeze ½ the lemon over it.

Step 2
Boil the penne al dente, seasoning the water with olive oil and sea salt (approx 10 min). While you wait for the pasta to boil, move onto Step 3. When the pasta is ready, drain and mix it in with sautéed veggies in Step 3.

Step 3
Sauté the garlic and onion with the remaining olive oil on medium heat. Mix in the mushrooms and sauté it all with sea salt ½ tsp of salt until they are soft (approx 6 min).

Step 4
When the charcoal or gas grill is ready, throw the marinated fish on. Pour the excess marinade over the fish and put on the lid. Grill until the outside of the fish whitens and the inside is a pinkish white (approx 5 min).

Serve pieces of salmon over plates of pasta and squeeze the remaining lemon.

FABLED MAPLE SALMON

The ancient fable spoke of a golden era of cooking and banging.

Read through the footnotes of the Kama Sutra and you will learn about a mysterious dish with incomparable sexual power. This dish had not been created then, but was predicted by a great Indian psychic. I took the liberty of deciphering the ancient Sanskrit because I am a power hungry sociopath. My goal was to control the opposite sex’s minds. So far so good. I can get my stable to sit, fetch and bend over. Good girls! The simplicity of grilled fish and a salad makes this one of the easiest methods of keeping someone you want to bang under your spell. Now I pass along this fabled recipe to you. Grill with God!

Step 1
Spice the salmon with dill weed. Top it off with green onions and then smother it in maple syrup and let it marinate (approx 15 min).

Step 2
Preheat the grill so it is good and hot. Throw the salmon on the grill and cook through, flipping once (approx 3 min per side). Serve the salmon up on with a simple SALAD

Crunchy Wasabi Salmon with Lime

Fish two days in a row is pretty abnormal for us, but Valentine’s day did strange things to our schedule. I am a die-hard salmon fan, and this recipe was good enough to make again.

If you don’t like wasabi peas, stay away from this one. I’d never had them before, and was quite surprised. They gave the dish a bit of spice (ok, lots of spice!) and a really nice texture. This would also be nice simply rubbed with wasabi powder/paste. The bed of peas and cabbage was beautiful, but nothing special.

Crunchy Wasabi Salmon with Lime

Recipe from Bon Appetit

INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup wasabi peas (about 3 ounces)
4 (8-ounce) salmon fillets with skin (each about 1 inch to 1 1/4 inches thick)
1 tablespoon finely grated lime peel
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
6 cups thinly sliced red cabbage (about 1/2 large head)
1 (8-ounce) package trimmed sugar snap peas
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Lime wedges

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400°F. Blend wasabi peas in processor until ground but with some coarsely crushed pieces. Lightly oil rimmed baking sheet. Arrange salmon fillets, skin side down, on prepared baking sheet. Sprinkle fish with salt. Press ground wasabi peas onto tops of salmon fillets to adhere, covering tops completely. Sprinkle grated lime peel over salmon; drizzle with 1 tablespoon oil. Roast salmon just until opaque in center, about 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat remaining 1 tablespoon oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add cabbage and sugar snap peas; sauté until vegetables are crisp-tender, about 5 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Transfer 1 salmon fillet to each of 4 plates. Drizzle with lime juice. Mound cabbage-snap pea mixture alongside. Garnish with lime wedges and serve.

Smoked Salmon Flautas

Corn tortillas + deep frying = more trouble than these are worth. They had a really good flavor and tasted great when they were done, but it was a real ordeal getting there. Next time, we’ll use flour tortillas, and pan-fry them in a few tablespoons of oil instead of an inch, just so they are browned on the sides. Easier and healthier.

Smoked Salmon Flautas

Recipe from Bon Appetit. Makes 8 to 12. The recipe originally called for smoked tuna or smoked trout, but I couldn’t find either. So we ended up using a can of smoked salmon.

INGREDIENTS
2 large jalapeño chiles
1/2 cup finely chopped shallots
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
3 tablespoons chopped fresh italian parsley
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
2 large garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
8 ounces smoked tuna (albacore), or smoked trout fillets, coarsely flaked
12 5- to 6-inch-diameter corn tortillas or 8 7- to 8-inch-diameter flour tortillas
vegetable oil (for frying)

DIRECTIONS
Char jalepeño chiles over gas flame or in broiler until blackened on all sides. Enclose in paper bag 10 minutes. Peel and seed chiles, then chop finely and place in medium bowl. Add shallots and next 6 ingredients; toos. Mix in fish. Season with salt and pepper. Can be made 1 day ahead, cover and chill.

Preheat oven to 350ËšF. Wrap tortillas in foil; place in oven 10 minutes. Arrange tortillas on work surface. Press 2 tablespoons filling for corn or 3 tablespoons filling for flour tortillas into 3- to 4-inch strip on bottom third of each tortilla. Roll up; secure with toothpicks.

Pour oil into large skillet to depth of 1 inch. Attach deep-fry thermometer; heat oil to 350ËšF. Fry floutas 3 or 4 at a time until golden, turning occasionally, about 4 minutes. Using tons, hold flautas vertically over skillet to drain off oil; transfer to paper towels to drain. Remove toothpicks. Serve with shredded iceberg lettuce and sour cream.

Grilled Salmon with Peach-Bourbon Barbecue Sauce

This was a good one. Made a lot of sauce, but we stuck the leftovers in the freezer for future use. Since peaches aren’t quite yet in season here, we used a jar of peaches (for like, peach pie or something), so our sauce was probably a bit sweeter than it should have been.

Grilled Salmon with Peach-Bourbon Barbecue Sauce

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from Emeril.

INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 cup diced onions
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/2 serrano pepper, halved and thinly sliced
4 cups peeled, pitted, and diced peaches
1/2 cup ketchup
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
1/2 teaspoon orange zest
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 to 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
2 tablespoons peach bourbon liqueur (recommended: Southern Comfort)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 (6-ounce) salmon fillets, skinned
2 teaspoons olive oil
Cooked wild rice, for serving

DIRECTIONS
Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until translucent, about 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic and serrano (with the seeds) and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add the peaches and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the ketchup, orange juice, zest, lemon juice, cider vinegar, and brown sugar and stir to combine. Bring mixture to a simmer and cook for 30 minutes, or until thickened. Using an immersion blender or regular blender, puree the sauce until smooth. Strain the sauce through a fine-mesh sieve into a clean bowl, pressing with a rubber spatula to extract all of the juices. Discard the solids. Stir the bourbon into the barbecue sauce and set aside until ready to use.

Preheat a grill to medium heat.

Brush the salmon on all sides with the olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Place the fish on the grill and cook for about 2 minutes then turn the fish 45 degrees and cook for an additional 2 minutes. Turn the fish over and cook for an additional 2 minutes or until cooked through to the desired degree of doneness. During the last few minutes of cooking, brush the fish with the reserved peach sauce.

Serve the salmon over wild rice with the remaining warm Peach-Bourbon Barbecue Sauce.

Salmon with Thai Red Curry and Bok Choy

Have I mentioned that Taylor is a curry addict? Needless to say he was really excited when I found this recipe, as I don’t really like or ever want to cook curry. It’s usually too coconut-y and/or spicy for me, but this was pretty darn good! Not to mention easy.

Salmon with Thai Red Curry and Bok Choy

Makes 4 servings (or 2 if one of them is Taylor). Recipe from Epicurious.

INGREDIENTS
8 whole baby bok choy
2 teaspoons plus 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon Thai red curry paste*
1 13 1/2- to 14-ounce can unsweetened coconut milk*
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh lemongrass or 1 tablespoon grated lemon peel
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 1/2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons fish sauce (nam pla*)
4 6-ounce salmon fillets

*Thai red curry paste and fish sauce (nam pla) are both available at Asian markets and in the Asian foods section of some supermarkets nationwide.
**Canned unsweetened coconut milk is available at Indian markets, Southeast Asian markets, Latin American markets and many supermarkets.

DIRECTIONS
Cook bok choy in pot of boiling salted water until crisp-tender, about 2 minutes. Drain. Set aside. Heat 2 teaspoons vegetable oil in heavy large skillet over medium heat. Add curry paste and stir 30 seconds. Add coconut milk, chopped lemongrass and 1 tablespoon brown sugar. Boil until mixture is slightly thickened and reduced to 1 cup, about 5 minutes. Stir in 2 1/2 tablespoons lime juice and 1 tablespoon fish sauce. Set curry sauce aside.

Preheat oven to 400°F. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in heavy large ovenproof skillet over high heat. Sprinkle salmon with salt and pepper; add to skillet. Cook salmon 2 minutes per side. Transfer skillet to oven. Bake salmon until opaque in center, about 6 minutes. Meanwhile, heat remaining 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add bok choy and sauté until beginning to brown in spots, about 4 minutes. Drizzle bok choy with remaining 1 tablespoon fish sauce. Bring curry sauce to simmer and ladle onto 4 plates.

Arrange 1 salmon fillet and 2 pieces of bok choy atop curry sauce on each plate and serve.

Asian Salmon Burgers with Sesame Slaw

Makes 4 burgers. Recipe from Emeril.

INGREDIENTS
2 1/4 pounds salmon fillet, skinned, pin bones removed
1/2 cups panko (Japanese bread crumbs) or other dried bread crumbs
1/2 cup minced scallions
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro leaves
2 teaspoons minced fresh ginger
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon sambal oelek chili paste (not sure what this is… we used garlic chili sauce).
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup plus 1 1/2 teaspoons soy sauce
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup mayonnaise
3 cups shaved purple cabbage
3 cups shaved green cabbage
1/2 cup shaved red onion
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons vegetable or peanut oil
3 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds
Kosher salt
6 sesame rolls or other soft hamburger buns, for serving

DIRECTIONS
Using a sharp knife, cut the salmon into 1-inch pieces and transfer to the bowl of a food processor. Pulse until the fish is finely chopped. (Take care not to overprocess or salmon will become a paste.) Transfer to a mixing bowl and add the panko, 1/4 cup of the scallions, 2 tablespoons of the cilantro, minced ginger, egg, sambal oelek, garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of the salt, and 1 1/2 teaspoons of the soy sauce. Using a rubber spatula, mix gently but thoroughly to combine. Divide the mixture into 6 even portions and shape into patties about 4 inches wide and 3/4 inch thick. Transfer to a parchment-lined baking sheet and cover with plastic wrap. Refrigerate while you prepare the mayonnaise and slaw.

In a very small saucepan combine the remaining soy sauce and the sugar and cook until reduced to a syrup, 2 to 3 minutes. The soy-sugar mixture should coat the back of a spoon. Set aside to cool completely. When cooled, add 1 1/2 tablespoons of the soy glaze to the mayonnaise and refrigerate until ready to serve the burgers. (The remaining soy glaze may be kept indefinitely at room temperature and used to drizzle on grilled salmon or grilled tuna.)

Combine the purple and green cabbages, remaining 1/4 cup of scallions, the red onion, 1/4 cup of the vegetable oil, rice wine vinegar, remaining 2 tablespoons cilantro, sesame oil, remaining 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and crushed red pepper, and toss thoroughly to combine. Transfer to a serving bowl and sprinkle with the toasted sesame seeds. Refrigerate while you prepare the burgers.

Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil. When the oil is hot, season both sides of the salmon burgers lightly with the kosher salt and add the burgers to the skillet and cook, turning once, until golden brown on both sides and the salmon is just cooked through, about 3 1/2 minutes per side. Serve the salmon on warm buns, garnished with the soy mayonnaise and the sesame slaw.

Honey Glazed Salmon and Black Bean Corn Salad

This is a refreshing take on salmon, and comes with a built in side dish. The salad is almost the best part of the meal, and could definitely be made on its own without the salmon. Feel free to drizzle more honey on top of the cooked salmon, if necessary. :) Sometimes Rachel’s recipes are a bit too… simplified? I guess? But this is one of hers that we really do love.

Honey Glazed Salmon and Black Bean Corn Salad

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from Rachel Ray’s 365: No Repeats.

INGREDIENTS
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium red onion, chopped
2 large garlic cloves, chopped
1 teaspoon (or to taste) red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon ground cumin
salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 limes, juiced
3 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon chili powder
4 6-oz. salmon fillets
1 red bell pepper, cored, seeded, and chopped
1 10-oz. box of frozen corn kernels, defrosted
1/2 cup chicken stock or broth
1 15-oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
2 to 3 tablespoons fresh cilantro leaves, chopped
6 cups baby spinach

DIRECTIONS
Preheat a medium skillet over medium heat with 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Add the onions, garlic, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes.

While the onions are cooking, preheat a medium nonstick skillet over medium high heat with the remaining olive oil. In a shallow dish, combine the juice of 1 lime, honey, chili powder, salt, and pepper. Add the salmon fillets to the lime-honey mixture and toss to coat thoroughly. Add the seasoned salmon to the hot skillet and cook until just cooked through, about 3 to 4 minutes per side.

To the cooked onions, add the bell peppers an corn kernels and cook for 1 minute. Add the chicken stock and continue to cook for another 2 minutes. Add the black beans and cook until the bans are just heated through. Remove the skillet from the heat and add the juice of the second lime, the cilantro, and the spinach. Toss to wilt the spinach and adjust seasonings to taste. Serve salmon on top of the warm black bean and corn salad.

Salmon with Soy-Honey Glaze and Wasabi

This was a decent salmon recipe, not the best, but easy and flavorful. I don’t think we let our soy sauce reduce enough, it may have been a little ’stickier’ had we done so, but the combination of honey and the soy sauce was quite delightful. If you taste it on its own it seems overly sweet/sour/salty (yes, all at once!) but paired with the salmon it’s just right.

You also might want to triple the sauce recipe… it really doesn’t make nearly enough!

Salmon with Soy-Honey Glaze and Wasabi

Makes 4 servings. Recipe from Epicurious.

INGREDIENTS
For salmon
1/2 cup mirin (Japanese sweet rice wine)
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/4 cup rice vinegar (not seasoned)
1 tablespoon finely grated peeled fresh ginger
4 (6-oz) pieces salmon fillet

For sauces
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/4 cup honey
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
2 teaspoons wasabi powder
1 tablespoon water

DIRECTIONS
Marinate salmon:, Stir together mirin, soy sauce, vinegar, and ginger in a shallow dish. Add fish, skin sides up, and marinate, covered, at room temperature 10 minutes.

Preheat broiler.

Make sauces: Boil soy sauce, honey, and lime juice in a small saucepan, stirring frequently, until thickened, about 4 minutes.

Stir together wasabi powder and water in a small bowl.

Broil fish, skin sides down, on oiled rack of a broiler pan 5 to 7 inches from heat until fish is just cooked through, about 6 minutes.

Serve salmon drizzled with sauces.

Salmon over Creamed Leeks with Apple Butter Sauce

This sounded interesting, so we thought we’d try it. We had apples leftover from last weeks Pork that needed to be used, so why not? It was an involved recipe, to think that this guy made this for a ton of people under pressure is really unbelievable (the show Dinner Impossible on the Food Network – very entertaining if you haven’t seen it before!).

Next time… we’d cook the leeks differently. Boiling them didn’t give them much flavor. We’d sauté them first, then braise them in broth and white wine until they practically fell apart.

But the salmon was good and the apple sauce was a unique combination. A very apt meal for fall, and a great way to use up all those apples!

Salmon over Creamed Leeks with Apple Butter Sauce

Makes 6 servings. Recipe from Robert Irvine.

INGREDIENTS
Apple Butter Sauce:
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
2 apples (your choice of variety), peeled, cored and diced small
2 cups apple juice
1/2 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 cup water

Cream sauce for leeks:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons butter
2 onions, chopped
1 cup white wine
6 leeks, white and tender green parts only, cut into 12 pieces lengthwise and thoroughly soaked in salt water to release grit
1/2 cup heavy cream
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Fish:
6 (8-ounce) salmon fillets
Coarse sea salt and freshly ground pepper
Cayenne pepper, to taste
2 to 3 tablespoons oil
1/4 pound vermicelli, deep-fried or 2 tablespoons chopped lemon thyme, for garnish

DIRECTIONS
For the apple butter sauce:
Melt butter in a saute pan and add apples, cooking over medium heat for a few minutes until they begin to soften. Add apple juice, orange juice and rice wine vinegar, cover and allow the apples to cook until very soft. Then uncover and allow liquid to reduce to about 1/3 of what you started with. Puree in a blender or food processor. Create a slurry by gradually whisking cornstarch into about 1/4 cup water and blend the slurry into the sauce. Return the sauce to the pot and allow to cook for a few minutes to thicken. Season with salt, if needed.

Begin the creamed leeks while the apples are cooking.
Heat the olive oil and butter in a medium saute pan over medium heat and saute onion until translucent. Deglaze the pan with wine and reduce until the liquid is almost all gone. (While you are waiting for the wine to reduce, start cooking the leeks.) Cook the leeks in simmering water until tender. Drain and set aside. When the wine has mostly evaporated, stir in the cream, season with salt and pepper, and lower heat to a simmer to allow to reduce and thicken. Strain this sauce and pour over the leeks and set aside briefly in a warm place.

For the fish:
Season the salmon fillets with coarse sea salt and both peppers. Place a little oil into the saute pan and bring to smoking point (you need a hot pan in order to get a crispy outside). Cook the salmon, skin side down leaving undisturbed (no peeking) for about 5 minutes, or until the skin begins to get crispy, then turn and begin cooking for 4 minutes more. This allows the surface of the fish to “caramelize.” (You may need more time on the salmon depending on the thickness). You can, if you wish, finish the salmon in a preheated 350 degree F oven. However, DO NOT OVERCOOK THE SALMON. Once you touch the flesh and it springs back up, it’s cooked. Remember, because of carryover cooking, the fish will continue to cook after it is removed from the oven.

Reheat the apple butter sauce if necessary. Place 4 lengths of the creamed leeks on one side the serving plate, with a salmon fillet on the other. Spoon apple butter sauce on the fish and garnish with lemon thyme. (Please note: In the episode, since we had the deep- fryer going, we deep-fried some vermicelli pasta for a garnish with a flourish. You can do the same or use lemon thyme.)