VESTAL VIRGIN VEGGIE MELT

Be invested in vestal virgins devirgination.

Being a vestal virgin in the Roman Empire was a pretty sweet gig. The priestesses had only to perform sacred duties in the temple and not give into sexual temptation. It must have been difficult laying around all day in loose fitting togas in bathhouses. You can be sure that there were a few brash Roman dudes who wanted a piece of that priestess ass. Luring one of these holy hotties over to the baser world of grunts and fluids required finesse. No doubt, some of these young fools would fight each other to the death in gladiator style. Suckers. The smart ones would employ the Cook To Bang method. This simple sandwich with vivacious veggies courtesy of Gods Pomona & Facunditas could break their cursed celibacy spell.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes

Projected cost: $5

Drinking Buddy:RAGING

Ingredients (serves 2):

1. 4 spreads of Dijon mustard

2. 2 handfuls of mozzarella

3. 2 English Muffins

4. ½ an AVOCADO

5. 4 BASL leaves

6. ½ a pear cut sliced thinly

7. 1 green onion chopped coarsely

8. ½ a tomato sliced thinly

Step 1

Split the English Muffins and spread Dijon mustard on each half. Place slices of pear, tomato, basil and avocado. Drop a handful of mozzarella cheese and crown it with green onions.

Step 2

Toast the sandwiches to dark brow or bake them at 350 degrees F until the cheese melts.

Serve the sinwiches up some

DANK ORGANIC VEGGIE BURRITOS

Get the best Dank Organic Veggie Burrito on Phish tour!

Holy shit, bra! Did you catch Phish at Bonaroo? I mean like wow, man! Maybe I can articulate it without than bohemian euphemisms once the acid wears off. At least I was able to pick up some hard-body hippie harlots in the lot selling Dank Organic Veggie Burritos out of my mom’s Prius. They thought my vegan wraps were heady, yo. I played them some old bootlegs from like WAY back in the day. They were mad impressed, especially when they started rubbing the Phish tat across my heart. Good thing they didn’t realize it was just henna until after I get my dirty hippie orgy on.

Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: PANTY DROPPING SHANDY, bra

Ingredients:
1. 1 BLACK BEANS can heated
2. 2 dashes fajita seasoning
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. Rice cooked
5. 1 red bell pepper cut in strips
6. 1 green bell pepper cut in strips
7. 1 onion cut in strips
8. 2 handfuls of lettuce cut in strips
9. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
10. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
11. ½ AVACADO sliced thinly
12. Burrito-sized tortillas

Step 1
Sauté the garlic with olive oil on medium heat (approx 30 sec). Throw in the onions and bell peppers. Sprinkle some fajita seasoning and sauté until they soften (approx 4 min).

Step 2
Assemble the burritos. Warm the tortillas in the oven and fill each with small scoops of rice, beans, sautéed veggies, lettuce, tomatoes, avocado and MANGO SALSA if you’re feeling adventurous.

Step 3
Roll up the burritos. Flip a 1/3 of the flap over to cover the ingredients, fold over the left and right side, roll the final flap over and press it so they stay. Cut the burritos in half or eat whole like a barbarian.

Serve the burritos up on plates with more MANGO SALSA

Veggie Steamed Dumplings

These are one of our favorites. A bit time consuming to make all the little fellas, but well worth it. Have I mentioned that a bamboo steamer is the best $20 you’ll ever spend? Plus it makes these a healthy treat as opposed to sautéing them in oil.

Taylor makes a dipping sauce with a bunch of crazy things, soy sauce, siracha hot sauce, brown sugar, rice wine vinegar, and who knows what else. Maybe next time he makes it I’ll try to wrestle a recipe out of him. A simple soy sauce dipping sauce would be perfect though. ;)

Veggie Steamed Dumplings

Makes 35-40 dumplings. Recipe from Alton Brown.

INGREDIENTS
1/2 pound firm tofu
1/2 cup coarsely grated carrots
1/2 cup shredded Napa cabbage
2 tablespoons finely chopped red pepper
2 tablespoons finely chopped scallions
2 teaspoons finely minced fresh ginger
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro leaves
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon hoisin sauce
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Bowl of water, plus additional water for steamer
35 to 40 small wonton wrappers
Non-stick vegetable spray, for the steamer

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 200 degrees F.

Cut the tofu in half horizontally and lay between layers of paper towels. Place on a plate, top with another plate, and place a weight on top (a 14-ounce can of vegetables works well). Let stand 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, cut the tofu into 1/4-inch cubes and place in a large mixing bowl. Add the carrots, cabbage, red pepper, scallions, ginger, cilantro, soy sauce, hoisin, sesame oil, egg, salt, and pepper. Lightly stir to combine.

To form the dumplings, remove 1 wonton wrapper from the package, covering the others with a damp cloth. Brush the edges of the wrapper lightly with water. Place 1/2 rounded teaspoon of the tofu mixture in the center of the wrapper. Shape as desired. Set on a sheet pan and cover with a damp cloth. Repeat procedure until all of the filling is gone.

Using a steaming apparatus of your choice, bring 1/4 to 1/2-inch of water to a simmer over medium heat. Spray the steamer’s surface lightly with the non-stick vegetable spray to prevent sticking. Place as many dumplings as will fit into a steamer, without touching each other. Cover and steam for 10 to 12 minutes over medium heat. Remove the dumplings from the steamer to a heatproof platter and place in oven to keep warm. Repeat until all dumplings are cooked.

Feed Usa, Day 3: Eggplant Veggie Burgers

I’ll do just about anything to avoid eating a ground-beef burger (with a few exceptions – like In-N-Out!). And so when Emily sent us her summertime burger creation, I knew we had to give it a go (be sure to visit her lovely blog for many more delicious recipes.)

The verdict on these burgers – they have a very good flavor. The texture needs a little work though, they lean towards the mushy side of the spectrum. We added a good bit of panko breadcrumbs, and I’m not sure what else you could add that would ‘beef’ up the texture. Emily suggested maybe brown rice… I’m thinking bulgar?

We topped our burgers with lettuce, fresh tomato, and a bit of goat cheese.

And we made our own buns.

Maybe it’s just me, but Whole Foods does not have a great selection of breads. And what they do have is either frozen and expensive or gluten-free. Maybe I missed it? Anyways, much like we were forced to make our own pitas when the store selection was slim, we decided to make our own burger buns.

I followed the recipe here. While I wouldn’t dare call these easy, they were quite good. I’m not sure if I had too much moisture in my dough, they formed some pretty pathetic balls… I’d call them disks. So when we cut them in half each half was a bit thin. Maybe using two buns, one on top, and one on the bottom, for a little more substance.

Homemade buns? Eggplant burgers with goat cheese? I’d call it a successful meal!

Eggplant Veggie Burgers

Makes 6-8 burgers

INGREDIENTS
5-6 Japanese or Italian eggplants, peeled and cubed
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 small zucchini, peeled and grated
1 cup Panko breadcrumbs
1/4 cup wheat germ or wheat bran
1 tablespoon basil, chopped
1 egg, beaten
olive oil
6-8 burger buns, homemade or not :)
lettuce
tomato
goat cheese, crumbled

DIRECTIONS
Place eggplant cubes in a colander suspended over a large bowl, generously sprinkle with salt. Allow to sit for 20-30 minutes, then pat dry with a paper towel.

Meanwhile, drain grated zucchini in a dish towel. Simply gather and squeeze until as much water has been removed as possible. Transfer to a large bowl and season with pepper (easy on the salt, since the eggplant has already been salted).

Heat a few teaspoons of olive oil in a large skillet. Add garlic, and cook until fragrant, 30 seconds to 1 minute. Add eggplant and cook approximately 5 minutes. Add a splash of water (1/4 cup or so), and cover. Cook until browned and tender, another 5 minutes or so.

Transfer warm eggplant to food processor, and pulse 2-3 times until just broken down (you don’t want to turn it to liquid.) Add eggplant to zucchini mixture, along with bread crumbs, wheat bran, basil, and beaten egg. Mix well to combine.

Form mixture into patties, approximately the same size as your buns (they will shrink slightly when cooked).

Heat a tablespoon or so of olive oil in large non-stick skillet. Cook patties, a few at a time, 4-6 minutes per side, or until browned.

Assemble burgers, stacking patties, lettuce, tomato, and topping with crumbled goat cheese.

Ultimate Veggie Burger

We’ve tried our hand at a good number of veggie burger recipes. Some work (Lentil Walnut Burgers and Eggplant Burgers), while some don’t (Black bean burgers… a crumbly mess on the bun can not be called a burger.)

Finding the right combination of legumes, greenery, and various other forms of vegetation to simulate the patty-forming prowess of meat is tricky business. If you don’t get the right texture, you’ll either end up with something that crumbles to bits in the pan, or something that tastes oddly like library paste.

This recipe is spot on.

Topped with some fresh tomato, avocado, and broccoli sprouts (for me at least, don’t you dare feed Taylor sprouts – he’ll never forgive you – so don’t tell him these have sprouts inside the patty too.), on one of the homemade burger bunswe made earlier, and you’ve got yourself a killer burger. Without the killing part, of course. :)

Ultimate Veggie Burger

Makes a lot… halve the recipe for 4 good sized servings.
Recipe from 101 Cookbooks.

INGREDIENTS
2 1/2 cups sprouted garbanzo beans (chickpeas) OR canned garbanzos, drained and rinsed
4 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 onion, chopped
Grated zest of one large lemon
1 cup micro sprouts, chopped (try broccoli, onion, or alfalfa sprouts)
1 cup toasted (whole-grain) bread crumbs
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (or clarified butter)

DIRECTIONS
If you are using sprouted garbanzos, steam them until just tender, about 10 minutes.

Most of you will be using canned beans, so jump right in and combine the garbanzos, eggs, and salt in a food processor. Puree until the mixture is the consistency of a very thick, slightly chunky hummus. Pour into a mixing bowl and stir in the cilantro, onion, zest, and sprouts.

Add the breadcrumbs, stir, and let sit for a couple of minutes so the crumbs can absorb some of the moisture. The mixture should be moist enough to easily form and hold a patty shape. Add more bread crumbs a bit at a time to firm up the dough if need be. Conversely, a bit of water or more egg can be used to moisten the batter. Form mixture into 12 patties.

Heat the oil in a heavy skillet over medium low, add 4 patties, cover, and cook for 7 to 10 minutes, until the bottoms begin to brown. Turn up the heat if there is no browning after 10 minutes. Flip the patties and cook the second side for 7 minutes, or until golden. Remove from the skillet and cool on a wire rack while you cook the remaining patties. Serve on buns topped with avocado, tomato, onion, and more sprouts, if desired. Alternatively, you can make extra-thick patties (1 1/2 inches), and slice them in half after cooking. Put the filling inside the patty, and you have a self-bunning-burger.