FLIRTY TURKEY BRIE SINWICH

Flirty, dirty and wordy. This sandwich offers all manners of sinful delights.

This turkey sandwich is no ordinary sandwich. It has sex appeal scientists are struggling to devise a method of measuring. It can’t help flirting with everyone its path. This sandwich has won over everyone it has met besides a few vegetarians who are questioning their own eating habits. That is the power of said sandwich. The tantalizing melted brie cheese, cranberry goodness, creamy aphrodisiac-laden avocado and crunchy bread dares to take you where no sandwich has gone before. You almost forget your eating a sandwich at all. It seems more like nosh meant for the gods who happen to be food snobs. I made this sandwich and God said it was good. God said it was damn good and paused time so he could have second. Amen!

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $13
Drinking Buddy: ragging hard

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Dijon mustard
2. Mayonnaise
3. 4 slices of sourdough bread
4. Sliced turkey
5. 4 long thin slices of brie cheese
6. 2 small handfuls of dried cranberries
7. 1 tomato sliced thinly
8. ½ an avocado sliced thinly

Step 1

Spread mayonnaise on one slice of bread and Dijon mustard on the other. Place half the turkey on the mayo side, topping it off with the Brie cheese, dried cranberries, tomato and avocado. Repeat with second sandwich.Step 2
Throw the sandwiches in the oven and toast until the bread browns. Slice each sandwich in half and serve for some lazy pre or post-coital nosh.

BBLT – BIG BEAUTIFUL LADY TAMER SINWICH

AKA Brie Bacon Lettuce Tomato Sandwich

Don’t let the BBW reference scare you. This sandwich is lean, mean and totally obscene. Just the way you like it. Here at CTB, we strive to make gourmet food accessible for the masses in DIY fashion. But sometimes we do you one better, and I’m not just talking about when candles are lit after a bottle of wine. Occasionally we take a simple classic dish and load it with sexy pretension. Sure you could make a BLT – Boring Lame Tired sandwich. But that will be as memorable as a premature ejaculator. You need to treat a sandwich like you would a well-planned yet nonchalant seduction. Bring on the Brie cheese! Allow the delicate flavors of France to remake this American classic. Now claim this sandwich to be your own design and accept the praise and sexual healing that will follow.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: raging hard

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 slabs of bacon (turkey or bacon OK)
2. 4 slices of sourdough bread
3. Mayonnaise at your discretion
4. Lettuce
5. Brie Cheese
6. 2 handfuls of cherry tomatoes

Step 1
Slice the cherry tomatoes in half and place on 2 of the bread slices. Slice enough slivers of Brie to put on the other 2 bread slices. Throw them in the toaster oven or oven and toast until the cheese melts.

Step 2
While the bread is toasting, fry up the bacon until it’s crispy. Press the tomatoes into the bread with a spatula and then spread mayonnaise over them. Add the lettuce and bacon, slap the sandwiches together and split in half.

Serve these sannies up with a salad and smile.

SAUSAGE PARTY SINWICH

Big Ol' Sausage Cumming your way!

Make room! Make room! A massive sausage is coming straight for your open mouth. There’s not a whole lot you can do but smile like a donut. But don’t fear it. Taste it. Enjoy it. Love it. There’s nothing wrong with phallic food so long as you are comfortable with yourself and enjoy good food. Just to make you feel better, you can Price Albert the sausage to make it less threatening. Throw in all the veggies and aphrodisiac avocado and you have an innocuous, yet delicious open-faced sandwich to enjoy with your date. Need I mention that you can whip these up in 10 minutes flat while you wax poetic with your game? Now drop your inhibitions and pick up that big ol’ massive meaty sausage.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: lick you lips

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp of vegetable oil
2. 2 small slathers of mayonnaise
3. 2 large sausages (chicken, turkey or veggie OK)
4. 1 small onion chopped into strips
5. 2 slices of sourdough bread
6. ½ avocado sliced thinly
7. 1 bell pepper chopped into strips
8. 1 handful of cherry tomatoes

Step 1
Sauté the onion, bell pepper and cherry tomatoes in oil on medium heat (approx 4 min). Split the sausages down the middle, throw them into the pan and cook down (approx 3 min). Burst the cherry tomatoes so they stew, drawing out the cancer-fighting lycopene.

Step 2
Toast the bread and slather mayonnaise on each piece. First place the peppers and then dump the sautéed pepper, onion and tomato mixture. Crown them with avocado slices and cut the open-faced sandwiches in half.

Serve these bad boys up solo or with some